viernes, agosto 13

O! for a piece of cardboard

Hola hola amiguitos!

Hoy os hablaré de algo que he leído. Se trata ni más ni menos que del "Diario de Investigación y Resultados del Dr. Joseph L. Von Rimmeck", que en el siglo XII ya era una eminencia de las nuevas tecnologías como demostró con sus innumerables inventos, entre ellos la catapulta y el ariete.

Sin embargo, no es de ciencia de lo que trata el pasaje que nos ocupa, sino de sus más profundas reflexiones acerca de la naturaleza humana. Paso ahora a citar sus escritos.

"13 Sept. 1120 d.C.

Ayer tuve un duro día en el Consejo de Investigadores no Heréticos, el café era una mierda con todas las letras. Ese cretino de Zébrier no debería hacerse cargo del café ni del catering. Propondré su expulsión en próximos días, tanto por los motivos ya citados como por ese estúpido invento suyo de la cafetera. ¿Agua hirviendo? Menudo majadero [...].

Hoy el Dr. Armenish ha puesto en duda que yo, Von Rimmeck, inventase en su día las plantas y la mayor parte de la vegetación subterránea. No sé como le permiten tal desfachatez en el Consejo. Si yo tuviera la potestad necesaria para expulsarle, sin duda lo haría, carajo. [...] Las pruebas de mi invención las tengo aquí, junto a las que demuestran que inventé el Sol y todas las piedras conocidas. Y lo peor de todo es que mi mujer se ha divorciado. Ah si, lo olvidaba: El ser humano es una puta mierda."

Hasta aquí el pasaje, amigos. Sé lo que pensáis, la catapulta no la inventó ningún Von Rimmeck. Bueno, todos los científicos se apuntan invenciones ajenas en una u otra ocasión.

Paso a comentar un titular de mi libro de "Noticias sin Publicar" (Publicado por Ed. Paradojas, 2004)

.-UN PAYÉS INVENTA EL AIRE
.-El labriego afirma haber hallado la clave en su trozo de monte

.-Un payés de la zona de la punta, en la Comunidad Valenciana, sorprendió ayer a los asistentes al Congreso de Científicos no Federados al presentar en el Foro de Inventores Noveles un gas altemente respirable que denominó como "Aire". "Oxígeno, Nitrógeno y Argón, señores, esa es la clave de todo" declaraba el labrador "Pero no era tan evidente. Tuve que pasar muchas noches al raso, en medio del monte, para llegar a comprobar que efectivamente es un gas respirable y que suple todas las necesidades del cuerpo humano y demás mamíferos y aves e insectos que respiran. Ah y los anfibios."
Mientras que a este labrador se le ha propuesto para el Premio Nobel, las acciones de branquias han descendido un 250% desde la noticia.
Al preguntar al payés qué otros estudios había realizado sobre gases respirables, éste respondió "Ein?" Acto seguido se marchó a lomos de su perro pachón.

Hasta aquí la lectura de hoy. Para acabar, el consejo.

Coméis acelgas? Pues deberíais. Si no os convencen, probadlas con más acelgas, le dan un toque exótico.

Hale pues!

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